FEAR

Today the fear set in. In class we all got up and pitched our ideas. It was informal, lasted only a minute, and was extremely helpful in freaking me out. The "what if?" segment is what really did it, but the, "make sure that this project is you," didn't help either.
The class was super helpful in pointing out that my ideas may not translate on camera. That the aura that surrounds Dages may not be seen on film. That my idea has been done a million times in a million ways and that there is danger that this may be a boring copy of what everyone on the Food Network has been doing for years.  That I don't have any idea what I'm doing and that the whole thing could be a giant disaster and a failure! Somewhere in class it was also said that a failure was perhaps the best way to learn this stuff, but somehow that wasn't at all reassuring.
Then there is the part that about how I need to be "in" this project. That my point of view as a director and producer is what really counts. That I must create my aesthetic and that it must be ME ME ME. I can intellectually get my head around this idea, but when it comes down to the action part of this step I am still at a lose for the how to do it. I think that this is what has been keeping me from being on this side of production for so long. I am a good actress. I take direction well. That is what every director that I have worked with has said. I am good at helping you with your vision, and now, now it's my vision that I have to help. It's my point of view that matters, it's me that needs your help.
This is terrifying.

What I'm not afraid of is the organizing, the calling, the arranging, the moving and the shaking. I also know that the only way to figure this out is by doing. And if I end up going down in flames, I will bring some marshmallows to roast over the open fire while taking note of what I could have done better.